Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Posted: January 29, 2013 in movie reviews, movies
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Director: Tommy Wirkola
Starring: Gemma Arterton, Jeremy Renner, Famke Janssen, Thomas Mann, Peter Stormare


Premise: We all know the story of Hansel & Gretel, while in the forest the siblings stumbled across a house made of candy. Inside of it was a witch who cooked little children after fattening them up with sweets. Well this Hansel & Gretel story is a bit different, after being abandoned by their father, lured into the witches lair, and captured for eating, Hansel and Gretel battle with the witch ultimately learning how they can be killed. Cut To: Many years later where the siblings are now expert Witch Hunters defeating (vanquishing?) witches everywhere and getting a nice bounty in return. They come to a small town being terrorized by Muriel, a grand witch, who is stealing children in order to become invincible.

My Review: When I first saw the trailer for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, I thought it was a joke. No way Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner would choose to do a movie like this. I thought the premise was ridiculous and reeked of cheesiness. So when my friends dragged me to this movie with the promise of a $5 matinee ticket and free popcorn, I caved and sat down ready to hate it with a fiery passion. There was no way a movie like this was going to be good.

Well, suffice it to say, this movie could have been a whole lot worse. Don’t get me wrong it was terrible, but surprisingly not a complete disaster. So why wasn’t this movie completely awful? I think it was because for the most part, it didn’t take itself seriously. Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen were obviously having a lot of fun and the beginning was so over the top it’s as if director Tommy Wirkola was in on this massive joke he was playing on the audience. Maybe, just maybe, Ashton Kutcher was going to run down the aisles of the theater telling all of us we’ve been Punk’d. Unfortunately for Jeremy Renner, he took himself WAAY too seriously like he does when he’s trying extra hard to put on his somber face. I’m pretty sure he thought he was still in Bourne Legacy.

The biggest thing that made the movie tolerable, and yet also much more ridiculous, was the extreme violence. I’m talking bloody, dismembering, ripping people apart kind of violence, with guns, shoves, or anything that’s handy. I had no idea this movie was rated R going into it. I was expecting Mirror, Mirror, PG rated kind of cheesiness, so the gritty violence was a nice surprise.

This movie is good for a lot of laughs, just not on purpose. You’ll be laughing at it, not with it. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is everything you’d expect it to be with a title like that.


Rating: 1 ½ Stars (The ½ of star is for Gemma Arterton, Love her)





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