Plot holes, cheesy dialogue, cringe-worthy moments, Battleship has it all. Yet for all the expected lows, this movie based on a board game was a lot better than it should have been.

Battleship

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Tadanobu Asano, Brooklyn Dekker, Alexander Skarsgard, Liam Neeson, Rihanna

 

I came into this movie with loooowwww expectations. Like to the floor. And maybe that’s the only way you should enter this movie because despite cover your eyes it’s so awful in an uncomfortable sort of way moments, at also had some throwbacks to the game itself that were pretty clever. Let me break it down for you…

Where It Failed


1) Unlikeable main character. (for clarification, love Taylor Kitsch) hated his character. He was a hot head. He was selfish. He had basically no backstory. He was a loser. But not one of those good losers who’s just had a hard life and gets himself into trouble but has a good heart. They did such a good job at making him a loser, they forgot to make him likeable/someone to root for.
2) Cheesy, cliché and predictable situations. Like how does a loser like Alex get the bombshell, physical therapist, smart blonde (Brooklyn Dekker)? Or why have a handicap retired naval officer punch an alien in the face? Yeah, that happened. Also, use of old people for cutesy purposes? Yeah, cheesy is an understatement here.
3) Generic Characters. Rihanna’s character, Alexander Skarsgard’s character, Liam Neeson’s character, frankly could have been played by anyone. Dude, Peter Berg, if you have a Liam Neeson, you should use him.
4) The aliens. They looked like sea lions. And not the scary kind.
5) Plot Holes. Plot Holes. Plot Holes. Why are the aliens there? How did Alex become such a screw up? If he was such a screw up how did he get to be such a high ranking officer? If he was about to get kicked out of the program why would they send him out on a raft to investigate a foreign object in the sea? What was everyone else/the rest of the world doing while Hawaii was being taken over? None of these questions were answered and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

So what’s left you ask?

 

Things I Liked About Battleship

1) Tadanobu Asano, who played Hopper’s nemesis, Captain Yugi Nagata.  Asano was just a delight to watch. Sure in the beginning he was just a stereo typical caricature, but he meshed well with Alex Hopper and was memorable. Everything you want from your protagonist.
2) The parts of the movie that integrated the actual board game. Ok, granted the whole “peg” thing was a bit ridiculous, but I got a kick out of my. By far my favorite part of the movie was the “hit or miss” part when their alien “opponent had become virtually invisible in the night. It was pretty damn exhilarating even though we were looking at a computer screen most of the time.
3) The water action sequences. This wasn’t your typical alien invasion story. We’ve seen buildings explode, aliens kill people viscously, and army’s gather the troops. But what happens when the aliens attack from the water? The Navy happens.
4) I’m grateful they never used the line, “You sunk my battleship.”
5) Yeah that’s all I got.


I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t the best movie of the summer, that title will go to The Avengers (Sorry Batman and Spiderman). If I compare it to Transformers, I’d say it’s definitely better than the 2nd and 3rd installments, but that’s not saying much. Ultimately, check it out, or don’t. You’re not missing much, but it’s a good way to clear your brain for 2 hours…

 

Rating: 2 ½ stars (out of 5).

 

 

 

 

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